Thread: Why me?
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Old 06-21-2011, 01:31 AM   #1
BrownEyes781 BrownEyes781 is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Louisvillle, KY USA
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Why me?

I am 29 and I have been molested several times from age 9 to 15, by 4 different family members. I have lived with this by myself all of my life. I started having mood swings, crying spells, running away, you name it. I went from being a straight A student to not giving a damn, trying to take my moms pills to kill myself (which obviously didn't work) at 9 the first time. When I started lashing out really bad, she had me hospitalized (13yr) I had to talk to a psychiatrist. I told the Doc of 1 episode so that they thought I was ok to get out. As soon as I got released, I ran away again. I started having sex with random people that approached me or who tried to force me. I didn't care, I felt worthless, disgusted, and just wanted to die anyway. I couldn't feel anything when I had sex unless it was pain up until I was about 22. I got pregnant at 15 right before my 16th bday and didn't know who the daddy was going to be. My boyfriend and I broke up so I did have sex with someone else once, but was molested the last time a few weeks before I found out. I finally had a DNA test and luckily it was not my cousin. My father was the only one who molested me but didn't penetrate me ( as if that even matters), my two uncles and 1 cousin did. The older I got I began to change, so instead of being promiscuous I hated most men and didn't want to be touched. Not wanting to be touched caused a problem in my relationships. My story is so long a f####d up that I dont even want to depress any else who has read this. Im confused, hurt, disgusted and feel pretty much worthless. Im still living because I dont want anyone to hurt my four girls or son. My son is the 1st and my girls I got while on birth control with my ex screwing me in my sleep or awake not wanting to. Then guess what.... Pregnant... after that he was doing it again.... Pregnant with twins..... Last time just kill me. Finally i left and went to another state for 4 years before I moved back. I dont know what to call that situation... Rape...Love... or as he said JUST BORROWING IT!!!! I just told my mom about all of this last night and I feel bad for making her as sad as I always am but my docs have been telling me to tell her for years. WTH.... Well you win some and in my case you always lose. I hope everyone else has found a way to cope, because im as bad as a rollercoaster.

 
The following 2 users give hugs of support to: BrownEyes781
fjeeva001 (06-21-2011), Phoenix (07-14-2011)