Brown Eyes, im so sorry you have had to go through this.
The main fact is however that you have SURVIVED this, and you now have 4 beautiful children to make a difference with. Re-live your childhood and teenage years through giving them everything you would have wanted.
Dont give up, they need you. You are obviously a strong and courageous person and dont let all the messed up people in your past change that.
Concentrate on the present and the blessed little kids you have and give them the best.