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Old 07-03-2011, 06:01 PM   #1
kurwamac kurwamac is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: united states
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kurwamac HB User
I don't understand anger management

I myself am not an angry person. Even when certain events lead me to feeling rightfully angry I don't stay mad long. I don't like to be mad at people and I don't like people being mad at me. I've never been very comfortable with yelling, and I hate fights/confrontation. My boyfriend of two years, however, has a very hot-headed personality. For about the first year before we moved in together, he hid the angry aspect of his personality from me. I heard about his temper from other people, but had never experienced it for myself. He's blown up on coworkers, ex-girlfriends, friends. I always figured that I make him happy and prided myself on always getting him at his best. But we moved in together about a year ago and we live with his parents. He is always on a short fuse. He used to tell me I was beautiful and he can't believe that someone like him got someone like me and it made me feel so good about myself. Now no matter what I do he wont give me a compliment or tell me thank you. He just gets mad now. He's gotten angry and called me stupid *****, worthless *****, he has pushed every soft spot I have in order to make me feel bad about something. He hates his job, he's a cook in a very fast paced, busy environment and he works long hours. I have two jobs, so I know how it feels. I always tell him how proud I am that he works so hard and I compliment him as much as possible. I am really good for his self-esteem because I never bring him down or talk crap about him, even if the opportunity presents itself. For instance, he yells at me for any little thing I do wrong..he expects me to do all of his laundry, even his dirty work clothes. The clothes are covered in raw meat, still have the belt on, theres **** in all his pockets, and theyre thrown on the floor. Once after he had two days off, he realized his clothes hadnt been washed and he BLEW up. He was saying what a stupid, worthless ***** I am, etc. I get a text about 20 minutes later saying "im sorry baby have a good day at work i love you" Ok so...he got a DUI and doesnt have his own car because of insurance, so he has his license back and i let him drive my car (actually he calls the shots with my car too) but he has crashed it horribly once, and a minor crash in my car as well as a minor crash in my mom's car (all sober) but I never ever yelled at him or anything. The bad crash happened on the freeway, he was having an incident of road rage and he was yelling at the guys in the car ext to him nd I was scared and yelling at him to stop and he told me to shut the fu*k up and he wasnt paying attention, I see the car in front of us break and I scream so he throws on the breaks. We slam into the back of the car, and my whole hood was so screwed up it wouldnt even open. It still isnt fixed and it looks like my hood is open 24/7. the whole front has awful damage to it, pushed in license plate, everything. I cried so hard when it happened. I told my mom that I had done it, we told his parents it was me too, and it went down on my record because he still didnt have a license at the time. He will tell everyone who will listen about the time I ripped my mirror clear off my car, trying to make me feel stupid or embarrassed and I never say anything about the sh*t hes done to my car or his DUI. I never tell anybody about our relationship, I just hide it all from everyone and deal with these feelings alone. It just feels like Im so taken advantage of and it has such a huge toll on my self confidence. He never appreciates anything, not using my car, not laundry, or a clean house, or anything. He gets mad at any little thing I do wrong. It makes me feel so inadequate. He treats me like this at LEAST once a day I have to deal with one of these outbursts. When he's sweet hes the sweetest thing. Sometimes he acts like a *&%$ all day and then expects me to be attentive to him in bed...and it makes me feel like thats all Im good for. Am i overreacting? I mean honestly, I have NOBODY to talk to. Nowhere to turn, no experience with anger problems at all. How can I possibly manage this? What can I possibly even do better? how can I make him happy? I cannot see any big event in my life without him, and he's the only person in my life who is there for me. I always forgive him no matter what. I just don't understand what causes the anger.

Last edited by kurwamac; 07-03-2011 at 06:14 PM.