Re: My adopted daughter's bio mom is trying to contact my daughter without me knowing
So, basically there are two things here. A biological mom wanting (for true motives unknown) to see her daughter. Due to the fact I am a bio major (hence the name) my guess that if it is genuine, it's probably because her biological drive as a mom is forcing her to feel this way. It's no different when you fall in love, but you also don't know what this woman is like....
The good side of me is saying, she wants to make up for lost time, she wants to know her daughter, she wants to make sure she's okay...essentially, my good side is screaming "She sprouted a conscience!!"
Then the suspicious side comes in and says.... well this ain't good....
Okay, I am from a big city in Canada, most of the kids in adoption come from A) Parents who have died and there is no next of kin or B) Parents who simply didn't want or couldn't care for the child. The bad side of me says that because obviously she can't belong to group A, then what does the mother really want from her. Is she really looking for a good relationship or is she stuck in a bad place where she feels her now 15 year old daughter can be some leeway for her..... trust me, if she seems shifty she probably is!! Do not let her meet her on her own.
Even though the mom may seem shifty, you might also learn about the child while talking to the birth mother, an old saying once said. "The daughter always bears the battle scars of the mother". Granted this generally applies to learned behaviors, but it can also show you what could be going on emotionally with your daughter. I hope things work out and as always, be safe.