Re: end of life...what will it be like
Hi I am sorry you are going through this with your mom. I lost my best friend to this cancer. A few months before her passing, we had a conversation. She said she was really tired. I told her she had put up an incredible fight but to do what she needed to do. I thanked her for always being there for me and I loved her.She was worried about her family being ok and I reassured her they would get through it. I almost felt like she needed permission. I am so glad we talked As her time approached, she didn't want to eat. We were able to get her to drink Ensure and eat a few pieces of watermelon. She slept more, became less communicative. She asked for Hospice a few days before she passed so she knew. She didn't want to go in the hospital and be poked with needles, tests etc when she was past surviving this.
She stopped eating and didn't talk except for a word now and then that she needed something. The night she passed, her daughter-in-law called to tell me it was going to take place. She is a nurse, so she knew that when her breathing had changed death was approaching I said I was on my way even though I live an hour away.
When I got there, her breathing was very shallow. She seemed at peace. Her husband said I was there and I took her hand and told her to go get on her horse who had died some years back and go ride across the meadow. Just like that she was gone. Her husband and DIL said she waited for me to get there. Geez, it has been almost 4 years and I still fall apart just typing it.
So, that was her experience. Her DIL said many times, they see someone who passed before them. We were just relieved she went. No more pain.
Say everything to your mom now that you want to say. I don't know if you believe in the spirit world, but tell her to come visit you from the other side and then listen for her once she rests. One of the best books I ever read was a gift given to me after my sister drowned, called "Never Say Goodbye"
You won't get over this, but somehow you do get through it.