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Old 08-26-2011, 02:45 PM   #5
StealthySandwch StealthySandwch is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, Washington
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StealthySandwch HB User
Re: Wife selfish in bed

I feel for you on this Soodle. I have only been married for two months, but in that time I have had nearly the exact same situation arise which is why I find myself here looking for answers. My wife and I are best friends, and when we were dating and even while engaged, she often initiated things and made it all seem so exciting. However as our relationship has gone on, more and more I find the physical part to be lacking... sometimes it seems as if she is just stringing me along now.

I know what you mean when you say it feels sleazy to ask for it. My wife has told me that she does not mind doing things and just to "let her know when" I want something. But is still feels wrong to have to ask for sex every time I want it. And even oftentimes when I do ask, nothing happens unless she gets it first at which point she is usually done and wants to do something else. I have even asked if I she could please me first, but she doesn't like the thought of this and as of now it has not happened, so most of the time I please her and that ends the night.

And now it seems as if it is getting into more aspects of the relationship where I have to ask her even just to rub my arm or leg. She always likes when I give her back/leg/foot/arm rubs, but rarely returns the favor unless asked to. In fact, I can remember only four times she has done it of her own accord.

She knows that I love her for so much more than the physical aspect of the relationship (for example, circumstances made it impossible for us to make love during our honeymoon and first few weeks of marriage). I just hate having to ask all the time, and even when she does agree to do things, often times I give her pleasure and when it gets to my turn, she decides she would rather play around on the computer or watch tv. It just gets so frustrating when I get turned on, only to get turned down.

We have a very open communication in our relationship. I have told her things I thought I would never tell another soul. She knows all my fantasies and I hers. We have no secrets from one another as we are best friends and lovers (sometimes... lol ). We have talked about it many times, yet every time I seem to be frustrated with the situation and she asks why I am, it seems as if she forgot the last dozen or so times we discussed it. And usually at this point the fun is over for the evening as she gets all self consious and moody. Even if we have a good discussion about the subject, at that point she is out of the mood and it's over.

I just tire of the lopsided physical relationship we have. I probably please her 8+ times for every one time she pleases me. it's just so frustrating to be in a loving relationship where I'm wondering if she is really in it for the love, or just for the security of being in a relationship. It often feels like she just strings me along, giving me only enough to keep me interested, but never enough to feel satisfied. She is and always will be my best friend, but it seems like she is becoming more of a roomate than a wife.

Sorry about how long this reply got. I intended only to let you know that I feel for you as I am in a similar situation, but I really just needed to get this out there.

Good luck.