My cheating boyfriend committed suicide. Confused.
I would never think I would rely on message boards to help me with my problems, but I stumbled across this and thought maybe I could get some opinions. I am 19 years old, and I was dating this guy for around 8 months, we started dating in February. He was 24. I thought we had a great relationship. We did everything together and I mean everything. Over the summer my dorms for college kicked me out, so I lived with him from May to August. He was controlling, so he basically kept me a prisoner, but I did not mind it because I only wanted to hangout with him. We woke up together, worked together, and went to sleep together. I loved him very much. He promised me he would wait for me to graduate and we would spend our lives together. He had major jealousy issues though. He would always accuse me of cheating on him though I never did. He didn't want me to talk to certain people- so I wouldn't. On Saturday I found out that he was cheating on me, only once psychically, but I found our whole relationship he was texting his ex-girlfriend trying to get back with her. I asked him numerous times if he was talking to her and he kept denying it. He was so convincing when he talked saying that I was the only girl for him and he would not do anything to upset me. Well I broke up with him once I found that out. After that he kept saying he was going to kill himself. I did not believe him and was a total ***** at him for cheating. He still never admitted it, but I know its the truth. On Sunday afternoon I was taking a nap and I got a stream of texts from him saying how much he loved me and that he didnt want to die and he wouldnt do it if he had me. He kept saying he couldnt go on in life without me and kept asking if i was with him yes or no? After I recieved the texts I drove over to his house and broke in through the back door and found that he had hung himself. I was struggling with how to feel because I truely did love him, but at the same time I am so ****** at him for lying to me the entire relationship. I want to believe he loved me. We were the perfect couple everyone saw it. I just dont know how to feel.