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Old 09-17-2011, 10:45 AM   #1
itsjustnikki itsjustnikki is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Foley, Alabama, U.S.
Posts: 18
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Question my fiancee was molested as a child. still having issues.

my fiancee is a 29 year old product of a broken and dysfunctional home. his mother was neglectful to him and his 4 sisters. his father left when he was four. he suffered 2 house fires from his mothers negligence at very young ages. and his mother constantly paraded man after man through his life and his sisters lives. she was not a mentally stable woman. she left her children alone at home all the time unsupervised. her last husband sexually abused his oldest sister, the babysitter she chose for her children had a 25 year old brother that sexually abused all of the children. when she found out about the babysitters brother she reported it but then dropped it because she didn't want the babysitter to quit keeping her children. when my fiancee was 8 years old she packed her things in the middle of the night and left her 5 children in the small apartment they shared and didn't come back. the oldest child was 12 and the youngest was 16 months. she didn't call anyone or notify anyone where she was going, she left with the man that raped her oldest daughter, her then husband. she MAILED a letter to her sister 18 miles away that arrived 4 days later, and those kids were all alone in that apartment for that time under the supervision of a 12 year old little girl. his mothers sister ended up raising them, even though she has no business raising anyone because she was just as bad as her sister. she told those kids many times that the only reason she took them was so she would get that welfare check every month. so sad.

now here's my issue, my fiancee has turned out to be an awesome man, he is loving and caring and loves my daughter as his own in a very natural fatherly healthy way. much like my father loved me. he is a wonderful role model, he provides, he is kind, and very gentle. but... because of his past being molested he has sexual issues. during sex if i even brush his behind he instantly loses his erection and cannot make it come back. he also does not enjoy oral sex, and thats very unusual for a man. i enjoy giving oral very much, but he doesnt really like it much, and if i spring it on him he just tolerates it for me. im not sure if maybe he doesnt like it because he was forced to do it and hated it and so he doesnt think i enjoy it or what. we have talked about it several times but its a very touchy subject for him that usually causes long periods of quiet for him. i dont want to cause him more pain by talking about it but im trying to make him relax more and enjoy more during sex. i want him to experiment with new things and it just seems like right now the door to new things is closed off. how do i open him up for discussion without making him uncomfortable? how do i help him get over it? ive tried many approaches and nothing has seemed to help.. im open for any and all suggestions.. councelling (sp) is out the door, we have tried that.
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-Nikki