pamla

Hi, I decided to post here because I don't talk about this with anyone in my real life because it's too painful to discuss. I hold a lot of things in. And.. I actually had a friend say I should just get over it when it came to the pain of the miscarriage I went through. She said it "wasn't even a baby yet so get over it." Needless to say, I have distanced myself from this person.

I miscarried in May of 2010. I was a little over 4 months pregnant. It was absolutely horrifying and painful. I had just found out it was a little boy. The father of this baby had disappeared by this point. He is a wonderful person, but I guess he just wanted nothing to do with me. I have no hard feelings toward him although it has taken me a long time to reach this point. I had anger for a while, but now I just have indifference. Mostly I'm just really depressed.

I started having dreams about a baby about 2-3 months ago. The same baby appears in my dreams twice a month or so. He is beautiful, small and warm. He has silky black curly hair. I'm holding him while he sleeps in my dream. I can even see what he's wearing.. I can even smell him.. I can even feel his hair and his soft skin while I'm caressing him. These dreams feel real. When I wake up, I want so badly to hold this baby. I believe he is my baby in my dream...

So I guess I came here because I wanted to see if anyone else has had similar experiences. In a way, the dreams are comforting but the are also difficult because when I wake up, I wish I could really hold my baby, but of course I can't... and for that reason, I sort of want the dreams to stop. The dreams are very surreal. I've never had a dream where it was so sensory or life-like.