thank you so much for saying I helped you.
It has been a very long haul for me since i sent the letter to confronting my father about 20 years ago now.
I can say this to you....do not be around him if you feel uncomfortable or you just do not feel right about it. Like if next few days you feel out of sorts or upset because you saw him...not worth it.
At least from my experience. My father has made it clear to me that he hates me and thinks i am most evil person alive. I realize that is how he probably feels about himself...but it is not okay he takes it out on me. He makes me out to be the bad guy even though all other family members say to him your got it wrong..that was not her..but other sister.
My nieces is worse...i did it to protect them. They now love him and feel he is greatest grandfather in the world. I am bitter etc...but i am not allowed to tell them when he says how much he hates me etc...they do not want to know.... I Get that is how their mom is ...so how they were mainly raised but still hurts.
Because they always include him into family events..so i am often left on outside because i cannot let him keep abusing me.
I rather i guess respect myself ..than compromise like i did most of my life at this point in my life.
I hope you have the courage to do what is right for you ...only you period.
I know how hard it is...and often we just do not know...i sure did not always know..i wanted to do what was best for everyone because i loved everyone still.
So i get how you can still love him but not want to be around him too...sounds confusing...
bottom line is something horrible was done to you at very young age most likely....it takes a part of your soul it is so bad...so the pain may get better but it will always be there.
Good news is there are so many of us out there ...and many people go on to have great happy lives. I hope that is your path!
I wish i had followed what was right just for me instead of everyone else in my family...i think i be much happier and less sick person now!
but you made my day...i am glad that i did something positive for you..it was for me ..really as much as for you! Good luck and i really hope you have a great life