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Originally Posted by kokopelli70  ... lately, he gets so wrapped up in his cell phone (he uses it instead of a laptop) searching for things like for his job (no, he's not talking to people) that he loses track of time, ignores those around him (even when his teenage daughter is around), etc. He's extremely hyper-focused and when he gets like this, it's like moving a mountain to get him interested in anything else. |
I may be going out on a limb here, but is there any chance your boyfriend is a guy? :-)
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Originally Posted by kokopelli70 Well, when I take the time to cook a nice meal, I don't think it's unreasonable to want him to eat with me-to literally put down the phone and go back to it when we're done. |
Hmm. And call me Mr. Shot In The Dark, but you wouldn't be a gal, would you?
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Originally Posted by kokopelli70 He first says that because he hasn't been able to take his ADHD medication (doesn't have the money for his refil), he just can't make that shift, it's like asking the impossible.... Is this all part of ADHD? |
No, it's not all part of the ADHD. He's simply being an arse. And I say that as another arse, married to my first serious girlfriend and still together after 25 years of me acting like your boyfriend, and my wife getting fed up with me, just the way you are with him.
The reason I feel confident it's not ADHD is that tons of guys -- probably a majority of guys -- do not have ADHD but also act the way your boyfriend acts. That's not justifying it, it's just an observation of the way the world seems to work.
But, all that said, let's suppose it is the ADHD. That then gets down to a fairly fundamental question about personal responsibility in the face of adversity. If ADHD was a factor, what does that really mean? That your ADHD boyfriend is going to find it harder to be meal-civilized than a non-ADHD person? Well, sure. But so what? We all have to do stuff we don't like or find difficult. Requiring a cell-phone-intense dude to put the bloomin' thing down and be nice is not the same as asking a depressed person to "cheer up", or a heroin addict to "stop taking that stuff".
My advice would be that allowing the ADHD thing to be a factor here would be a danger to your relationship, and not an aid. Treat this as any other conflict in a healthy relationship and work through it. You know the deal: sit him down; tell him your expectations; let him tell you his; make sure you let him know you understand his side and you can even acknowledge the ADHD but don't let it be an excuse (because it simply isn't); don't be afraid to ensure he understands yours; and get him to agree that ADHD or no, getting together for some meals is important to you. You're not being unreasonable.
Failing that, get another dude to give your dude a friendly smack on the head :-)