dont' know where to turn
I've been an addict to vicodin/Lortab for several years and a big part of me want to stop, but a big part wants to continue. I've been unemployed for over a year and feel like a complete loser.
I have run out of vicoden and money for a doctor visit - I am usually taking 120 mg a day but I have some Fentanyl patches (75mcg/hr) and thought maybe they could help with the withdrawls? Any ideas?? I wish so badly I could check myself into a treatment center, but without insurance, I can't afford it - not even for the detox portion.
I just feel like &^%( and don't know where to turn, start or what to do. I want to just find any and all docs in town and use up my credit cards but that would just make my situation even worse.
Why does this have to be so hard? I've been sober before and loved it, but I'm not mentally in that place and I think that was a big part of my success. My head is NOT in the game and I'm looking at these patches but I'm a bit scared.
Any suggestion, words of encouragement or anything sense of direction would be helpful.