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Old 02-10-2012, 05:30 AM   #2
captjane captjane is offline
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Re: Is anger genetic?

I think a lot of the time it is learned behaviour. When we are developing we learn by watching our parents and I think it's common to adopt their coping mechanisms at a young age. I grew up with two angry parents and I also withdrew as a way to cope. I ended up marrying a very calm laid back person and I think that also had a calming affect on me. One of my siblings is a tantrum thrower still, the other is sort of apathetic.

Over the years I have become so much better at dealing with stress without getting angry, but I think it's just because I learned certain things and accepted certain things. For example, I now accept that things don't always work out the way I hope, but getting angry doesn't help the situation and mostly it just gets in the way, it's more productive to sit down and figure out what I can do from that point forward, sort of like plan a didnt pan out so what's my plan b?

I also had to get over my perfectionism and realise I was never going to be perfect, no one else was ever going to be perfect, life was never going to be perfect and every day there are bumps in the road, so I try to deal with them instead of reacting to them.

Sometimes I still get angry but it's not often, and really instead of inflicting it on someone else I'll take some time out by myself to calm down, once I'm calm I'll think about why I got so angry and what I can do to change it in the future so I don't end up getting angry over the same thing again. I think it's just a process but you have to just stop accepting that you have no control over your emotions, it might feel like it, but you have more control than you think.

That involves learning ways to relax so you aren't a walking powderkeg, having different expections from yourself and others to not be so perfect, accepting that stuff happens but getting angry doesn't make it better and instead of expecting things to run smoothly just accept that they usually don't but calming down and thinking things through to find a solution works better, and just finding better ways to cope with the crap that life throws at you.

I think when we get angry a lot our brains are just so used to being wired that way but with practice and finding other ways your brain starts responding differently but you have to consciously work at it.

 
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tiredofbeingmad (04-11-2012)