Re: raped need help!!
I'm so so sorry you've gone through this. I was sexually abused by my stepfather from age 8 to 14 and also, and then later got brutally beaten by an ex-boyfriend, and have moments during that night, I don't remember, but ended up in the ICU and the ultimate humiliation was my step dad is an EMT and he was there to see his conquest, the one he victimized for all those years wheeled in and guess what, I remember them asking me if I was raped and said I was bleeding from my vagina, and I passed out, and when I woke up, I was in a hospital gown only and my stepdad was in the room and the doctor tells him, "I'm sorry, I had to give her a vaginal exam"....and I'm laying there thinking, "yeah, just tell the man who started it all and I'm laying here necked and helpless".
Too me, that was the final insult. I'm having a hard time dealing with the memories of all of this. It's been 13 years. I'm going to therapy. I just started because I can't handle the nightmares anymore. Maybe we can help each other through our issues, but you really need to work through it with a professional and there are great books out there.
I feel your pain and you are not alone.