Keysey... a word to the wise for the future. Please make sure somebody goes with your Dad to the doctor each time he goes. He will say what he believes in the moment and might have told one person he had a ride and somebody else he didn't. He doesn't understand what they are telling him and definitely can not tell you what he was told. It is just safer to make sure somebody is with him.
I was actually not surprised that a Urologist would do this. I was waiting for that piece of information that it was not his diagnosing doctor. There is something about the dementia diagnosis that many doctors, specialist in particular, don't get. They just proceed with routine treatments without regards to the fact that the patient can't understand. It's wrong and they need to know it's wrong. In your conversation please impress upon them that your Dad has dementia and they need to know what to do with the next dementia patient.
As for permission, as far as the doctor determined your Dad did give permission. Doctors to not usually as children for permission to treat parents
Yes, you and your brother have the POA but when Dad comes in alone, even if he is confused, it is his permission that they need to do a procedure on him. The confusion on your Dad's part is not a result of the doctor not doing what he should.
As for the siblings... don't you just love them
They fly in at the end of a horrible day and cause chaos and confusion... then think they have done something good. Then they go back in their blissful life of denial. I have been there and understand. Just know you are not going to change them. Therefore you have to let their rants go in one ear and out the other. My standard answer to drama is... "Sorry you feel that way!" How about showing up and going with Dad next time
If they think they might have to do it they will usually back down! If not.. just be unavailable.
I so use the popular social media for communicating with my sisters but I have created a private group with nobody there but the four of us. That way they accept it as appropriate notification because it is the way we communicate. I don't stay on the phone because I don't have time to make four calls every time Mom burps. I just put one post on the private groups and they can read it and respond that way.
I do hope you get all the loose ends of the chaotic day wrapped up and the siblings settle back into their "lives". Yep, you need to get Dad in a different living situation
Your feeling on that is absolutely right.