Re: Am I alone?
I am so touched by your post. You sound so sweet and it makes me sad that you feel so alone and upset. I could only wish my own daughters to be as sensitive and caring for their older brother (now 9) who has autism as you are. (((hugs)))
I do agree that learning as much as possible about it can only help. As a parent of a child with autism, I have gone through the same feelings as you described. Feeling alone, hurt, confused, angry, sad and more. What I do is remind myself of how much I love about my son, and how those little quirks that he has and those funny things he does are things that give me absolute joy and I wonder if he would even have those things if he didn't have the autism?
It's such a hard thing to understand, and it's hard not to take it personally when they get angry with you when you're trying to help them or it's something out of your control. You're a compassionate sister and that is already amazing and helpful for your brother.
I also find it very sweet and encouraging that he was able to recognize after the fact that he was angry at you when it wasn't your fault, and that he apologized. Your brother is older than my son, but I still couldn't imagine my son having the insight (for lack of a better word) to recognize that and apologize on his own. I'm glad your brother did, and while it made you sad, it's a wonderful thing for him to be able to do.
Hang in there, try and find people - online or locally - who are siblings of people with autism to chat with and support you. You are definitely not alone.