Re: Living in a Care Facility
My FIL had stayed in his old house for at least 5/6 years given home care service from part-time to 24/7. In a way we had exhausted home care. So he had to go to a home. The thing that makes me feel better is that we found a well-reputated home for memory impaired and they do take good care of my FIL. Certainly in the beginning my FIL thought he was about to "work with my husband." Gradually he likes his new place and the staff are nice to him. He likes the food there and he likes the peers there. He feels security now even if he sleeps in the activity room half a day.
At times we do wonder how he is and what he is doing. Now we kind of know his schedule and know that he is stable. Yes we do miss being with him to see to things. We cannot stay with him for 10 days at least like before when we visited him in his own house. But we know that the staff will take care of him. At times we do have to make sure the things are in order in his room, but we know we have done the best for him.
I don't feel guilty because we have exhausted everything back home. Given that my FIL always demanded that my husband "worked with him", we have worked around the difficulty so we have no regrets. We know he is declining so we do the best to make sure he has comfort care in the home. He is better and more comfortable now in a secure controlled environment. We have accepted this fact.
Emotionally we sometimes do feel we need to be with my FIL, but we know that we are doing what is best for him.
Please know that your loved one is well-cared for in the home, so don't feel guilty about it. I do know that if my FIL were still at home, he would have suffered too much with the hospital and his other conditions. My FIL does not know that but this home has offered him the best comfort care in a secure place.