Re: I really don't know what to think!
I am still here. I did quit the laxatives. It's been just over a week now and although I feel really rotten I'm glad I made that decision. I've just increased my fiber and water intake, which I probably should have been doing anyway. I've also tried pushing when I eat up by 15 minutes or so, (I don't want to push my luck to far so I don't have an anxiety attack). I've been seeing a therapist for quite awhile now for my bi-polar disorder and she is aware of my eating rituals and thinks that I have a problem. She recommended I see a nutritionist but I don't have the money for that right now.
I really hate this though. I went to the mall with my oldest daughter today and I wanted so badly to kick back with her and have something to eat without having to mentally calculate the calories...what I would have to restrict later because of it...etc...I can't even remember how free I must have felt to just eat and not worry all the time about what I was eating or what time I was eating! Has anyone successfully found a way to eat "normal"? It just feels to me like it is something that will never happen for me again. That is a depressing feeling if you know what I mean.
Thank you for your prayers and I hope everyone is well and doing good. Happy St. Patricks Day.