how to get through those moments of weakness?
I've been taking 2 percocets (sometimes more but never more than 4) every day for about 3 years. I thought it would just be a matter of finding another pain reliever and slowly weaning off my "self medication". But now I find that I'm lying and stealing to keep myself stocked.
Last night my husband practically broke down because we maxed a credit card in only 2 weeks and he can't seem to figure out why. He's lousy with keeping track of money so taking it was easy. Now I feel like the most horrible wife in all of existance. How could I have done this to him?! For this long?! I lied right to his face, I made up stories! If I came clean he would be so unbelievable devastated.
So, I've made up my mind to try to beat this on my own. I talked to my best friend back home who made me feel a lot better about things. She thinks I can do it and offered herself to some extent. She has her own depression, kids, boyfriend, and problems to deal with. I suppose everyone does....
I looked up percocet addiction online and found a lot of bleak answers. Everything talks about rehab and needing good support system. If I've suffered in silence with the pain, I should be able to suffer through the silence with withdrawal, right?
Can someone tell me what sort of meditation or self talk I need to do to get myself through those moments of weakness? I hold the pill bottle in my hand, sometimes, i put it back, sometimes I put two pills in my pocket and carry it with me til the pain is bad enough. -thing that makes it bad is that I take two at a time, to kill the pain AND to give me that feeling of having tons of energy (something I battle with psychologically I guess). Usually after I take them I line up a bunch of chores to get done and then I do them fast, while dancing, and then I find myself doing extra chores like washing the baseboards. I hate cleaning, which is how these got so addicting in the first place. Does that give me anywhere to start physcologically?
Thanks for listening at the very least