So this happening since I was in elementary school.
Everytime I hit a certain items, I always apologize to them. (Like wardrobe or stuff) because if not I feel bad things going to be happened
and nowadays, I'm in Senior high school
it getting worse
I getting insecure whenever I saw number ughhhhhh "13"
I don't even want to see it when I typed this.
everytime I'm doing a school test, I always closed the bumber with my finger. Whenever I see it I feel so mad, and I feel horrible thing going to happen. I mad, I scream and sometime hurt my eyes (with closing it of course). And it also for the multiple of that number (like 26, 39, and so on)
everynight I always check the door at least 10 times. but now it decrease to 3-5 times. Especially if I'm the one who closed the door (If my mom or my brother did it, I'm not really worry)
everytime there are always bad thoughts in my mind. It's like I can't stop the bad thought, and to prevent its from happening I hurt my fingers, hands, head. or I keep repeating what I'm doing.
For example, I was washing hands, and that bad thoughts came (no, not bad thought about germs or virus. it's more like bad things get ugly point in exam, one of my family being hurt or being unlucky) and I keep washing my hand until the thoughts are gone.
sometime I scream my self, mad and that's makes my family dislike me. Mock me.
am I an OCD ? or something worse?
I'm doing several online test
and No, I'm fine with odd or even number as long as its not number I mention above.
I really want to cure this, I'm sick with people who mocking me. I never want to be like this. Never. They all are tired of me, how about my self? I'm even more tired.
Thank you, sorry for any grammar error.