I have noticed at my aunt's facility the residents attachment to their routines such as who sits where and who eats where, are very very strong. Any little thing that changes the routine easily upsets her or one of the other residents and then there is hell to pay of the type you describe.
Our facility has a little room with a dining table and chairs which they call The Social Room.
If someone wants to visit a patient at mealtime, they can reserve this room and eat together there so that we don't disturb the routine of the others. However, my aunt does not like to always go there because it disturbs her routine :-)
Maybe your NH has a similar room where you could meet separately.
Because my aunt is so entrenched in her routine, as a result we are getting away from visiting around mealtimes because it just causes too much trouble for everyone involved.
Originally Posted by ninamarc
We encountered some strange thing in the NH Tuesday. My FIL has some friends in his wing and they eat together at the table for meal at times. I didn't realize they actually were looking out for one another and one guy is particularly nice to his mates. He is nice to my FIL too. He was nice to me too until this year. Maybe it is his disease, the guy got meaner this year and misunderstood lots of things in the cafeteria. Well, sometimes we took over some seats to eat with my FIL. Not very often since we don't stay to eat every time. Probably the caregiver didn't realize it and set us up at my FIL's table but "got rid of" the other 2 residents. (One didn't come to eat anyway and etc.) Well we sat with another resident who does not talk either.
I will skip the details, but basically this guy started yelling about we should not be there - he eats at the next table. He probably thought we should not have been there. He yelled and shook his head. He talked to everyone around us. He showed the other caregiver how good she is.... I am the bad guy because he misunderstood me some time earlier thinking I took the dessert like stealing it back in Jan. (I only took the extra dessert on the cafe counter for my FIL. I don't like desserts myself.) He does not remember that long. But I must have triggered him. He told my husband in front of my FIL that he is not the son and I am not the family. He ran up and down to complain about this. He told his tablemate that we should not be here because we didn't do anything and he said we are not family and blah blah blah.
All through lunch hour, I sat there and tried to hear what he had to say. He just thought we are the bad guys and so on.
Well, the resident is bothering the other resident's family in this case.
The caregivers and directors know about it. Next time we can only choose to get a table away from this guy so we can eat in peace. I just don't like the fact that he disturbed us and also my FIL as well. He made sure my FIL was OK by asking him is he OK. He told us off in front of my FIL. Well, my FIL was sleeping and he needed to be fed by us. So we were there to help my FIL, not to do nothing!!
This guy is a war vet so maybe he gets too suspicious about us. Whatever the reason is, this is disturbing the family. It should not have happened. The caregivers/director apologized to us.
I know they cannot control their residents but when it comes to disturbing other residents, it is really something the NH should pay attention to. I know some med may not help and his family may not like to give him more med as sedative.
We can only run away from this guy at meal time - go to the back of the room like before. Should we have left? No, everyone knew he was crazy.
I now wonder how the NH should make sure the residents don't bother one another and the families.