Re: Resurfacing Memories - Molested by Father.
I'm so sorry.
I cannot even begin to imagine what you've gone through. Everything that has happened to me, has happened by outsiders. If it were a family member, especially my own father, I don't know how I would have ever gotten through it. You are incredibly strong and I am so happy you told your mom. I'm sure that was very hard to do. I can't begin to understand why your mom is still friends with your dad. How can she associate herself with a man who molested you? I don't know what's going on inside her head but I'll be honest with you...you need to part yourself away from your family. I know she's your mom but if it was MY daughter who told me something like this, the cops would have to hold me back from doing something so crazy. I do believe you should tell your boyfriend because you stated you guys are serious. If you guys happen to get married in the future, you want your husband to know because if any flashbacks occur you're going to have to explain to him where they're coming from. He's going to want you to be open and honest with him no matter how hard it's going to be.
I've gone through a lot myself and when I had flashbacks during sex I told my husband when we were just engaged years ago. He helped me through it all. He understood. But honestly he did have some issues himself. He would imagine one guy doing something to me when we were in bed together. Yes it could affect the relationship sexually but if it does you guys can always go to counseling. If this is someone you're serious about then you owe it to yourself to be honest with him about it.
I suggest distancing yourself from your family. I think being around your mom isn't going to make things better because it's only going to remind you of what happened. And yes, 5 years is a long time to be in counseling but you know what? if you need it, then you go back to it. You don't need anyone telling you "you've been at this for so long. Get over it." It's not that easy and I know that firsthand. You go back and maybe you should go with your boyfriend so he can hear from someone else too how serious it is and what an impact it can leave. That way there are no surprises in the relationship later.
This is your life and you have to take control of the situation. You're remembering bits and pieces little by little and the only way to address it is by seeing someone about it. I'm telling you, I think you'll feel a whole lot better. They will help you face the bad memories, talk through the negative feelings, learn how to deal and accept and then push them so far away that when you have these bad memories again they won't bother you so much. Little by little as you learn to accept what's happened and face it, you will be able to talk about what happened without feeling the way you do now.
I remember in one incident, I kept thinking about what happened to me and I heard voices in my head saying it was all my fault or that nothing happened and I was making it up. It was my own demons. It took me 6 months to knock those voices out of my head but they did cause me to try and take my own life many times. I couldn't face it and I didn't have anyone to talk to. I was all alone. I know how it feels to be all alone. I do believe if I had a counselor to talk to, I would've dealt with it a lot better.
Good luck to you and I hope you take my advice into consideration. You are strong and brave. Don't let what your "dad" did to you ruin your relationship and your whole life.