Re: 4 days straight
when the process of dying begins the human turns inward, to contemplate life, to rage at death, whatever they feel. don't take it personal. at the end one should not have to fake being okay to soothe others. it's their turn.
yes, how you feel is important but at this point nothing is really important to her except what she is going thru.
tell her you turned to us for support so you can do better by her in her last days. that you want to protect her from your junk and focus on her junk. i can hear your frustrations. no offense but most men are not great at nursing the dying. it's hard cause you can't fix it.
take slow deep breaths, focus on something that brings you peaceful joy, and let go.
soon you will be kicking yourself in the face for the feelings you have now. they are valid real feelings and not at all unusual for the situation. yet, one day you will look back and do the shoulda, woulda, coulda. you can beat yourself up for years with those, or you can accept that you are human and do the best you can to be patient now so you won't go thru it later. i know you hurt, inside and out. sending you a healing hug on the breezes of life.
get a chiro if your neck is not damaged. i love mine. it's probable stress and tension. look at your life my friend. not easy. mine does not focus on cracking things but on motion release and it works. i carry my stress in my neck and shoulders.
in loving peace to you both,