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Old 07-03-2012, 07:15 PM   #1
USmiss USmiss is offline
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(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Pa, Us
Posts: 71
USmiss HB User
Unhappy New here - Seeking out support!

Hello everyone! I just joined here in hopes of finding some comfort in knowing that others out there may be dealing with what I am dealing with. I will give you a bit of background but try to keep it short. I am a 22-yr-old female who recently graduated from college. <EDIT> I have been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, GAD, OCD, and am in remission from an Eating Disorder. My main concern right now is the OCD. In the last year and a half, A LOT of changes occured in my life, which has caused my issues to get worse.....I began my first serious relationship, graduated from college, and started working for the first time ever. Changes=anxiety for me. My current problem is with Relationship OCD. I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and a half. He is my first love, my best friend, and we have shared MANY firsts together. For the most part, I have believed that I want to be with him for the rest of my life and he is the one. However, at different times, I will get extreme doubts about us. First it started out about doubting his love for me, his faithfulness to me, and I would have thoughts about him with other women. I would then look to him for reassurance about his feelings for me. I finally got a little better with that but now I have a problem with doubting MY feelings. I mean I do love him and I cherish everything we have together. However, the last couple weeks, as well as a few other times in the last year, mainly one time about a year ago, I have been plagued by worries such as: "How do I know if this is right?" "Am I really in love?" "Do I want to be with him for the rest of my life?" "Am I happy?" "Could there possibly be someone else out there that would be better for him or me?" These thoughts eat away at me all day long. They end up causing me severe anxiety to the point of having stomach problems, shaking, and feeling like I'm on the verge of a panic attack. I also become very depressed over these thoughts and I cry a lot. My boyfriend is very supportive of me and patient. He understands my problems, yet I know it hurts him to see me doubting what I want. I don't want to break up with him, yet I can't stop doubting myself and us. I usually feel better after talking to someone about it...either my mom, boyfriend, or my Psychologist. Everything might go back to normal for a day or a few weeks and I am happy in love. Then it all goes downhill again. I feel so indecisive about everything and can't stop analyzing every little detail. If him and I disagree on something minute or if he does something I don't like, I question whether that means we are right for each other. Deep down, I know that we are on the right path with morals and life values, which are most important to me. My mind cannot help but constantly worry and analyze. This week I have been dealing with this severely....Anytime I am with him, I cannot enjoy our time together because I am depressed and confused. I have had numerous crying spells this week because I'm so confused, frustrated, and upset. I even spent most of today crying WHILE at my job and driving out on the road. I'm so tired of dealing with this. I just want to be happy and enjoy each day. Instead, I live in the future worrying about what may or may not happen. Let me also add that he recently asked me whether or not I think I would be ready to move in with him in another 8 months or so. Up to that point, I was sure I wanted to be with him, but then we actually discussed it happening for real and I freaked out. I'm not sure if I'm afraid of commitment or what...I know I'm afraid of it not working out in the future and making the wrong choice. I also worry that these thoughts aren't OCD or GAD, that they are real doubts. Thus, I get more confused. If anyone can offer ANY guidance or insight, I would appreciate so very much. Thank you.

Last edited by ms_mod; 07-04-2012 at 03:05 AM. Reason: Removed posting rules violation. Ms_Mod

 
The following user gives a hug of support to USmiss:
Mymycherrypie (07-11-2012)