I am so sorry to hear this. This sounds just awful. You really need to talk to someone you can trust and get some help. I know some people don't do medication - but I can say that the right meds saved my life. It also sounds like you may not be getting enough restorative sleep. Paranoia can be induced by lack of sleep. I was having hallucinations from lack of sleep and was put on Remeron (Mirtazapine) and it really helped me so much. I hope you can get some real help.