Re: Codep Mother - Help me set boundaries
Sera, thank you again for the nudge. After more research and contemplation, I know now my mother is a master of the guilt trip. This has been a HUGE light bulb moment for me! No wonder I battle depression! No wonder I resent mom and constantly feel on guard! She most likely learned this sacrifice-suffer-unappreciated-guilt trip pattern from her mother, from what I remember of Nana.
So step 1: recognize the guilt trip when it comes at me. Step 2: if I have done something wrong, own up, and if I haven't, use guilt-trip deflecting tactic a) "it sounds like you want me to feel guilty. Is something bothering you?" or b) "I don't feel guilty about that." Step 3: STOP using the guilt trip on others, especially my dh and kids. I have a lot to unlearn!
There is no happiness in suffering and causing others to feel bad about themselves. I have the choice not to do so myself, and from now on, I feel more sorry for her than anything. I am going to strive to detach with love, and let her go on being codependent to my alcoholic widower brother with two young children and not let it spill over on to me. Hooray!
Peace out - Maxie