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Old 08-09-2012, 10:43 PM   #5
Wendy88 Wendy88 is offline
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Re: Hiiiii Phoenix!!

Yup I know. And I won't know if my antidepressant is working if I have a lot of junk in my system. Today I cried a lot, but I didn't numb myself. I just let it all out. It was hard, but I know stuffing my feelings only makes it worse.
So, I'm trying. Im trying to get a handle on my mind, so I'm trying to keep it clear best I can.
I am not a big drinker, but I decided to just cut it out entirely as on the rare times I do drink, I only feel worse. Same thing with pot. I was using it a lot as I have a medical card and a specific type helps with my headaches, but if course I was using it when I hung out with friends etc....
But now, I haven't smoked it in over a month. I havent had a headache that severe to need it, so why smoke it? I just got bored with it. If that makes any sense. So, that's gone too. I'm not addicted to pot, I just don't need to cloud my mind when I'm going through so much emotional stuff. it's only purpose was for my severe migraines, and that is where it can stay.
I realize that I'm cutting out things that are easy for me, and the pills are the real demon. But like I said, I have cut down on those too. Instead of 6 (or more) a day, I am down to 3-4. Its been several weeks, and yeah I still have some withdrawal, but in reality it helps me with day to day pain. 6 or more helps with emotional pain (or when I get extremely sick, but it's been two months since my last episode), and I don't need to do that. I'll never feel better emotionally if I keep doing that.
So that's what I'm doing. It's an uphill battle of course. Every day is hard to keep within my pill range. But it's scarier to deal with my depression and not know what is me and what is the pills. Right now, that has been enough to motivate me to keep hanging on.
Good vibes to all!
Wendy
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