Re: Trying to understand
I have just experienced something very similar. I lost both my parents 30 days of each other, just a few months ago. I must encourage you to reject the idea of you having any responsibility in either of their deaths. That is too much of a burden to bear, you are not responsible.
Each of us has a certain time on this earth, and when our time comes, we must go. There is never a good time to loose our parents, or any other loved ones. It is always too early.
Since so much time has passed without you being able to go on as you would like to, I would suggest a bereavement counselor or support group where you can share you feelings with others in the same boat. It is only after this happens to us that we can truely understand the huge impact it can have on our lives.
Also remember that your parents would have never wanted you to carry all this guilt and responsibility for their passing. It really does help to get these feeings out, so please feel free to post all you need to, and we will be here to help you,..