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Old 08-27-2012, 09:07 AM   #24
Gabriel Gabriel is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: charlotte, nc, usa
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Re: Moved Mom in 2 months ago

I am not sure we ever went out to eat that Dad didn't blow his nose at least twice. He was old school with the handkerchief in his pocket... YUCK! I had to remember that those with dementia are in the moment and set in their older ways. If the nose runs then it has to be handled NOW... and with that yucky handkerchief that was later stored in his pocket! They lose the social graces and ability to empathize with others (a result of the damage done to the brain by this disease). It could have been an annoying habit but... after Dad died every one of the grandchildren wanted one of HIS handkerchiefs. It was just a part of who he was. With Mom it was allergy related and yep allergy medication did help her. We just let Dad be

Appliances are a whole different story. Glasses, hearing aids, dentures, canes, walkers, and the like can make you crazy if you let them. If Mom is keeping up with her glasses then you are on the plus side. I spent many hours looking for Dad's glasses. Once I even tried to get a second pair but optometrist do not like to make glasses from old prescriptions. Getting Dad to the eye doctor and him cooperating with an exam was bordering on impossible. It took some more looking but the glasses were found and fixed, scratches and all. Mom actually had surgery around to correct her vision and she was always looking for her non existent glasses. Drug store readers at the lowest value worked for her. As for taking care of their glasses... they couldn't take care of themselves so how could I expect them to take care of their glasses?

Hearing aids were my biggest problem. They had three between them. Dad had his long before dementia and didn't want to start his day without both of his. Mom got her's later and didn't want anything to do with it. I frequently found Mom and Dad with the wrong hearing aids in their ear. Dad said Mom's worked better!! They never remembered to change the batteries so they were more akin to ear plugs then hearing aids. Dad's oldest one had to be replaced because he would put it in his mouth when it didn't work and suck on it! You can buy several pair of glasses for a new hearing aid. Then Mom started taking hers out and stepping on them. As long as you have all the pieces and that little wire is in tact they can be repaired.... times four! I finally found a great audiologist that would come to the facility. I was successful in keeping at least one hearing aid working for Dad at all times (even if it meant him wearing Mom's for a while). I gave up on Mom and let her be as she wanted to be... without! Her auditory processing left early so she was not properly processing what she was hearing anyway. It was almost easier when she didn't hear all those sounds that she didn't understand and confused her. Mom's hearing aid has been in the med cart in it's nice soft case for the last 3 years Hearing aids run around $2,000 and a refurb repair is $250. So with that initial investment of $6,000 there was a follow up cost of $3,000 for broken hearing aids! But there is little you can do to make it different....

You just do the best you can with what they give you to work with. Getting angry and upset doesn't help anything. In so many ways it only makes the situation worse because Mom and Dad don't understand. Somewhere along the way I realized that all that other stuff is truly not important. It is about Mom and Dad, their contentment, and finding a balance that allowed me to enjoy the time I had left with them. I threw out a lot of preconceived notions about how things should be and learned to live in the moment while going with the flow they created.

Love, deb

 
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