View Single Post
Old 09-08-2012, 08:40 AM   #1
manzgaf manzgaf is offline
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Birmingham
Posts: 2
manzgaf HB User
Angry HELP - Increasing anger to my family from a male perspective

Hi all,
I have been reading the posts on this really useful forum. It has definitely been helping with me coming to grips with my anger problems.
However, if i may say so, alot of it seems to be from the female perspective when dealing with partners and kids, which is really useful. As i seem to be narrow minded from reading these posts. ( i do not want to come across a sexist).
However, my query is from a male perspective if thats ok. (apologies for the long winded explanation - trying to give a background to my history).

But first, my background is that i have lived with my parents / family for most of my life. Only recently i have moved into my own accomodation. I have always had a sheltered childhood and never really experienced life until recently. We had a family business which i helped out alot in all the way through till university. I am asian by the way, where in my family case like to try and be close knit.

I had always believed that a family should be there for each other. However, i found out the hard way that when the **** hit the fan. You find out everyones true colours. My dad was very successful in his hay day, a millionaire. But due to close family relations. My dad and my family got screwed. As such, my dads spendthrift ways has never really ceased.

As a result of my dads spendthrift ways. He got into debt. When i graduated (2003) and finally got a job. I thought out of the good ness of my heart that i would help him buy remortgaging the house and giving him money to pay off his debts (2005). At this time i was married (2003). However, i got married in Asia and my wife was still there. To add to that i got engaged in 2001, so had a very long distance relationship. She finally came to me in 2005.

So basically i bought my dads house and my brothers house to help out the family business. However, i realised i was done for. As i was seriously in debt and living off credit cards. So i worked my *** off and had to actually live my life, which i had never done. This meant that i was living a life i should have before i got married and living away from home. I found this very difficult. By this time i had 1 child.
I also asked help from my family. I even started my own plumbing business to get myself out of large debt.
No one from my family helped.

This really hacked me off as i was there for them. But when it was my turn, no one helped me. This made me very angry, resentful and hated everyone member of my family. I turned into a cold person, which i never was.

I have only recently started to find some understanding and do behave with them better. But i am always on my guard.
When i moved into my own accomodation i got to know my wife as she was.

I have recently, sinced i moved out. Been getting more angry, tired and taking it out on my wife and now 2 kids (7 & 1.5).
My anger is getting out of control and it has always been there i think but seems to have been amplified in the past couple of years.
I need help and want to reduce my anger episodes.
I am not doing anything physical to my wife or kids and never will.
I work from home so i do help at home and drop the kids off home. I like to think i do my part. But maybe i am spending to much time at home? ( i am really confused).

But i just feel so tired and angry all the time. I am exhausted and fed up with myself. I have tried to keep an account of what i feel , but to no avail.

I want the best for my kids but i seem to be replicating what i went through with my family and my childhood. Its ironic and hurtful. I feel i cannot change this.

I have started to look into get some anger management counselling, hoping this helps. I cant really afford it, but i dont want to ruin my marriage, which is already on the rocks and is getting worse. My poor kids, who deserve a better dad and friend than me, are getting the end of the stick. My arguments with the wife are usually infront of the kids, which i know its bad, but seem to becoming more frequent.

Anyhelp and advice would be much appreciated.

 
Reply With Quote
The following user gives a hug of support to manzgaf:
Phoenix (09-25-2012)