Hello there. I just finished reading your post. I'm fine with it being long since I'm trying to avoid doing my homework assignments at the moment.
I'm honestly shocked and I'm not sure how to respond to this, but I will do my best.
So, here goes:
Hmm, I think it's sort of normal to feel that way? Okay, well not quite normal but I can sort of get why you're acting like that. Maybe it's because you feel lonely? Deep down somewhere in your heart you just want someone to actually care for you right?
To have someone to talk to..I'm not saying you're an attention seeker. You just want to have something to do. You want to be able to have fun, but what you're doing isn't really going to help you get there.
It's horrible when a person has OCD, schizophrenia, depression or any other anxiety disorder/mental illness. Well, actually having diseases or cancer is just as bad. Sorry, I don't know where I'm going with this..kind of getting off track haha. Don't you feel bad when you try to pretend that you had them?
It just makes you feel worse you know.. I understand how you feel. ( Kind of )
I would somewhat do the same if I were you..but I don't know. I feel as if I were to do that..I would just mentally break down. I'm sure you feel unwanted. Maybe you just want to feel loved or warmth. Being cut off from social contact..I'm sure you haven't felt them in a long time right? Maybe that's what you were after? Pretending to have a mental illness, getting bored afterwards...it feels like you're lying to yourself in a kind of way.
You aren't really honest with your feelings man. Maybe it's because you're unsure of what you feel sometimes. You get it mixed up. You want to feel something, but you can't.
You can never really be able to feel anything if all you're going to do is pretend and lie.
You lie to others and you lie to yourself. But do you know who you're hurting the most?
YOURSELF. You're hurting yourself. Please, stop. Stop with all the pretending. You aren't ill. Please just stop before you become ill, okay?
Life has become boring for you, I get it. But you're aren't helping yourself at all.
There are plenty of things to do. Go out there & find something. You'll eventually learn to enjoy life and love the things you do! Learn to have fun. No one can tell you what the meaning of fun is. Okaay, maybe they can. But to really get the meaning of it, you have to experience it. Just being told won't do..you got to feel & see it for yourself!
Don't lose hope yet buddy! You'll learn to enjoy..then love & cherish.
Don't let time pass by you...enjoy the moments now & make memories.
Find yourself. Let your spirit be free. Live happily!
You will find yourself smiling and you won't be as bored
I hope I was able to help!
And if I didn't, I'll do all I can to help you feel better!
I'll keep talking to you okay? Just let me know. Think of me as your angel watching over you. Haha, I'm kidding. I'm nothing more than a friendly stranger
Hope your heart feels a bit relieved and if anything a bit happier. Don't feel empty~
Oh and by the way, I like how you write haha :].