| | Falling for the wrong person - but can't let her go just yet
DISCLAIMER: Please don't judge me or question my reasons for doing what I did, just accept it as is and give me some advice on what to do next.
So after leaving a relationship and being single again for almost a year I decided I wanted to start over. I hadn't met a girl I was attracted to for a while even though I had made many new friendships in that period of time. I also occasionally had one nighters with girls I had met out and about. (Here's the questionable part) One day I decided I didn't want to deal with the complications of a relationship and just wanted to have some plain and simple carnal fun, so I went out with a "sex professional", to be nice. At first I didn't think anything of her, she was aesthetically attractive to me so I had sex with her and left. Fast forward a few months in one of the dog days I decided to repeat the dose. This time however, after the service we talked for a good while and had a good chemistry going and she accidentally let her real name out. For some reason, I took a liking to her and she took a liking to me and she gave me her personal number. We went out a few times after the fact and soon I found myself dating her.
Here is where the problem comes; I soon found myself in love with her, and everything in my gut tells me this is not a good relationship to step into. Obviously, her profession is what makes this so difficult. While we went out several times she is definitely hesitant to allow me into her private life, understandably so, but now I can no longer tell how she feels and I'm afraid things might go sour. Now, maybe I'm not seeing things clearly but I have never had such a strong feeling for someone before, even in previous relationships. As creepy as it sounds, I can't even get her smell out of my head.
With all that said, I have decided I'm going to stick with it for a while, expecting heartbreak, but there are some things I need help with and I would love some advice, especially female advice. Lately it feels she is very distant and I can't tell why. I have avoided talking about/having sex with her because of what she does but it seemed to me that is becoming a problem for her. It feels to me that she thinks I think of her as more of a friend than someone I'm attracted to and to me that has made her distant. We talk regularly but its not like it once was, a vivid conversation. Now there are big pauses where she just stares at me and I stare back at her not a word said. I've asked her several times if she had gotten tired of me and she denied that very fervently. As a test, I suggested playfully that we should have sex which sparked conversation and we did in fact end up in bed. However, it turned out into an akward situation for myself. I couldn't tell if she was doing it because she felt like she had to, or if she was doing it because she wanted to. Now please don't misunderstand all this as me being obsessed with sex or anything, its just this relationship started that way and it has become a weird incomprehensible mess. To make it worse I'm pretty socially clueless, I typically have a very hard time forming romantic relationships as I'm an introvert. In truth, after all we have talked about I honestly like this person and am willing to swallow the bitter pill of what she does for a living and it seems to me that there are reciprocal feelings but being who I am, I'm very unsure in the matter. Assuming I want to make the next move and take our relationship up a notch but not lose our friendship in case things don't go well, whats the best way to approach this issue?
I would really appreciate some feminine opinion on the matter; not to be sexist but I don't have a clue how women think.