Re: Eminating Evil
Dear Renko -
As you describe it, you are a writer at heart. (Though it is out of necessity, perhaps - a need to communicate somehow, if not through speech). I am glad for it. Through writing here, my need to want to become a good listener has some chance in daylight.) Your phrase "I hate to see animals die so I'm glad I won't be around when that happens" struck me a bit (In conversation I would not have paid much attention.) Reading that phrase over, I'm sure you meant that you wouldn't see her die because you have moved away from her, but my first thought was that you were perhaps ill. Is that the case? I don't mean to be an alarmist, but the phrase just struck me.
I had a professor once who was a very generous person as a teacher - he shared with his students generously. And though I really did not belong in his advanced class, he let me in and treated me with respect. I had noticed something gloomy in him and he in me and I felt we had an unspoken understanding that life was not a cake-walk for either one of us. I was too shy to talk to him or hardly anyone. On the last day of class, in the course of giving a lecture, he looked straight at me and said something to the effect: "everyone should get there papers early in because 'I won't be around.'" It startled me. I became panicked because I thought he was trying to tell me something, but I coughed it up to my paranoia. Weeks later, we heard news that he has passed away from surgical complications and had known all along that odds were high that he would not make it. These bizarre coincidences certainly do not help people of have mental issues and make for spooky conversation - which doesn't help us either!. Have you seen the movie "Donny Darko?" by the way?
Reading that back - that was a depressing story, so lets move on...
You being a good listener to boot is quite a specialty. I do admire (from a genuinely sincere place) people who are good listeners. And you have sensitive heart. Your cousin must be grateful. Just an insider tip - when my writing becomes confused like your cousin's, it is because I have a very specific complaint that can never be remedied or that I am ashamed to articulate and so I will grasp at a 100 other complaints without ever feeling the freedom to say exactly the thing that is bothering me. All the reasoning and the logic behind my 100 complaints will be muddled because I am frustrated that I can't say the real thing that is really bothering me.
I wanted to talk to you about such a thing today, but I got distracted by your writing about your lovely pet.
I will talk to you about it next time. How do you feel about listening to complicated, convulated, paranoid, dramas and complaints that have no satisfactory answers?