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Old 10-12-2012, 04:25 PM   #4
seven2030three seven2030three is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 13
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re: so alone and so sad

Quote:
Originally Posted by ladybud View Post
Having your family breaking up is so difficult. I don't understand why you can't see, talk with or text your kids. Is this court ordered or your wife's idea? I would fight for your parental rights, and hire a mediator if need be to work out a solution. It also sounds like you need to be connected with a good Dr for your mental health and a good therapist to help you through this period of time. Hopefully, you have family and friends as support. I would encourage you to get out and be with people in every way you can. Going from a family of five to being alone is a huge adjustment, and you will have to make every effort and sometimes force yourself to get out and go places so you aren't alone and so depressed. If your mental health problems contributed to the breakup, vow to get help for yourself now, so your future will look brighter and your relationships with kids will be healthier. There is nothing wrong with seeking help for a health problem, mental or physical. Hopefully the restriction with your visitation will be short and temporary until the details are worked out. Try to establish a support system for yourself of family, friends, clergy (if applicable), Dr., therapist, and a "crisis plan" of actions you can take that will help you when you feel overwhelmed by sadness, anger or grief. Keep a "hotline" number available, usually found in phonebooks or online, for you to call if your support system falls through and no one is available when you need them. Trained counsellors answer these calls and are helpful in talking you through a crisis period. Please resist any urge to cope with this thru alcohol or substance use to "numb out" and not feel the pain. You must experience the pain to get past it, and the substances use will only magnify your problems tenfold.
I agreed to a temporary restraining order that does not allow me to contact them for three months. However, apart of that agreement was that I would be allowed to see my kids a couple of hours per week. She has not honored her part of the agreement while I have.

I have never been addicted to anything. When I say I was sick, I was mentally sick. I found out my wife was having an affair (not the first time) and got pregnant. It was not possible for me to be the father (I had a visectomy years ago and was tested as having no sperm) I lost it. I found out from my medical doctor that I had a chemical imbalance caused by the severe stress and it resulted in a mental breakdown. I can't explain the exact term but I have been on medication since the end of August. I also have a counselor and a psychiatrist and I am working through some very tough times.

That being said...when I came down with this "sickness" I did some stupid things. We were having problems with a woman stalking my wife. We had gotten them to stop but when I broke down, things in my life broke down. Honestly, I don't even remember all that i did but I was charged with lying under oath. Seriously...I don't remember virtually anything that happened. The day that the cop took me in to be interviewed (my wife had already left because the cop had told her I did everything) I had taken an entire box of over-the-counter sleeping pills and i was totally out of it. I confessed to things that i did not do. the honest truth is that we were being stalked and I should not have admitted to most of what I admitted to. I don't even remember being booked or being in jail that first night. I was put on suicide watch but all I can remember was sleeping. It was the first time in my life that I was arrested and for sure the last.

So the reality is that now my wife thinks I did all these horrible things that I did not do. Yes, I did a few stupid things in a moment when I was mentally unstable, but not nearly what I'm being accused of and not of what she thinks. the cops just assume I did it all because of the stupid things I said when I was mentally unstable and under the influence of sleeping pills. They have virtually no evidence against me because i really didn't do anything!!! the very few stupid things I did, I did in the end and again I repeat I was not in my right mind. Like I said, if I had cancer, would that be a reason to kick me out and do everything she has done??? OF COURSE NOT! I was sick and she took the opportunity to toss me out to the wolves.

Her forgive me??? I still love her but she has done far, far, far worse to me than I ever have to her. I don't know if I can ever forgive her! All i want is to see my kids, love my kids, be with my kids.

it's crazy. I have a pretty important job and because of all this I was suspended for a while. they investigated and found that I had done nothing illegal. I've been back at work for several weeks now. they did more of an investigation than the local police did and they KNOW that I didn't do what i am being accused of. Yet, the local police and local district attorney don't care. they even talked to the investigators at my job and the people at my job told them they found nothing (I can't say what I do for a living but I was investigation and security is taken very seriously at my job). So a detailed investigation found nothing and my soon to be ex-wife takes the word of cops who dont want to look any further. They think that other woman stalking us was innocent now and that it was all me! it was not all me! I bet she will continue to be stalked in the future and now they can use me as a scape goat.

I know this all sounds crazy and complicated. I want to write more and maybe I will later on. I need to vent, i need to let it out. I love and miss my family terribly but I am getting better for myself.

I do not have a support system of family or friends but i do have my doctors and I feel so much better than I ever did before. I am getting healthier, mentally, emotionally, and physically and feel like a new man. I just wish I could be with my children.

 
The following user gives a hug of support to seven2030three:
hopelessromance (10-12-2012)