Hmm, I think it's okay to not know what you want to feel. Do you get what I'm saying? Haha, again I'm terribly sorry if I confuse you / make it hard for you to understand what it is that I'm trying to say. I often confuse others too in the process of trying to explain things. I don't get why I make things so complicated than it already is. I'm only 16.
A part of me is like an adult. Maybe because I give off the feeling of being mature. And the other part of me is like a child. I always feel like I'm acting like one at times.
Hmm, who doesn't? I guess everyone would want to become a child again if they had a chance because you're only young once right?
Well, with that being said..let me continue since I'm just rambling on about other stuff.
I guess I can understand what you mean. I mean she's doing all she can to help. You appreciate it, but then she's sort of being too much at the same time..to the point
where it's annoying right?
Hmmm, really this is rather hard. I wish I could help find out what's wrong with you, though I think I can..just not sure where to start
. Have you tried talking to a psychologist? Maybe he/she could help, if you can find one that is actually going to try to help you. I think it would be best to try and ask. Maybe he/she can come up with something. It wouldn't hurt to try right?
Though, then again..it could be a waste of time.
Well, what the heck..give it a shot!
I do hope they can be of some help. I'll try to support you as much as I can~
As for your question to how I'm doing, I guess I'm okay?
Well, yeah..I think. Physically..not really. I don't know what 's wrong with me at times. I think it might just be me..
I'm sorry if this is long, but yeah here goes nothing:
About a month ago ( almost a month ),
I had chest pain..I worried for nothing..thinking about all the possiblities..like what if it's that? or..?
The x-ray that I took showed nothing. And of course, my doctor didn't really seem like he wants to help me so there would be no point in trying to ask him if I could have more tests done. I might have pulled a muscle or something.
Probably from carrying heavy things such as my textbooks or emotional stress. I still have it now and then.
It's frustrating to not know the cause of it..so I'm just going to assume that it's a pulled muscle since no one is going to tell me otherwise..it's better than finding out that it's actually because of something serious. Well, actually..I was hoping for something like that. Since if it can be fixed, then it will be good for me. But a pulled muscle can happen whenever. It will only go away if I rest and fix the problem. Which is probably never going to happen. I can't stop carrying my textbooks because I need them for class..I don't carry them every second or minute..but I carry them to & from school. If only I can fix my procrastination habit & do my work ahead of time, maybe I wouldn't have to carry them..-_-
& As for emotional stress..ughh..too troublesome to explain but I'll try. I have too many issues. I get depressed so much..I feel like no one will understand me..or at least if they do..I'll only feel like a burden to them. I feel like there's some sort of hideous monster inside of me wanting to come out. Sometimes, I feel like I might go psycho & kill people. I have anger issues too. I have trouble dealing with family. Particularly my mom & kid brother because they drive me crazyy!
Sometimes, I feel like hurting myself..but it's scary. I cry from a little papercut..so trying to imagine hurting myself makes me feel even worse ..
Maybe I'm being a bit too greedy..sometimes I wished that they could try to help me out. Like, when I try to talk to them about my problems or about something..they just sort of brush me off. It's like what I'm trying to say is not important to them..it's too much of a bother apparently. I mean, I just need you to listen & at least pretend to care.
Whenever they needed help or wanted to talk..I had helped & listened..but sometimes I just cut them off like what they did to me. Why should I be the one helping you?? What makes you think that I'll help you when you hardly ever seemed to care about me?
That's how I feel sometimes. I feel like they're ignoring me & my feelings. I feel like I've built so much hatred in my heart because of them. I'm not mad at anyone else but them. I cry so much & hate myself so much because of them..Maybe I'm being a bit too much because I'm also hurting them at the same time. I've said really harsh things to them. I've been really cold towards them. At times, when I get really frustrated..I would hit them and push them away..I don't beat them or anything..sometimes I feel like doing it but I don't. I hit them, but I don't do anything extreme to the point where I would get arrested..but to the point where I can see hurt in their eyes. We don't really get along. We always argue with each other. Maybe we need family counselling..
Anyways, maybe that's why I'm also feeling sick at times?
I'm anemic, but lately aside from my chest pain..I can hardly eat. I can't eat much of a meal..but I can eat like sandwiches & little bits of stuff. I think it started a month ago or so..at that time I felt nauseous while eating cereal for breakfast while getting ready to go to school.
I was scared. I had hardly ate much of the cereal..& I felt like if I had ate any more I would throw up... Now I feel like sometimes I don't have much of an appetite. Is it because of my emotions or something regarding my health? When I think about eating food, I just don't feel good. Maybe it's because I eat certain foods too much. I don't know why I feel nauseous at times. I mean I want to eat, but that would be sort of like forcing myself to eat when my stomach isn't feeling well. -3-
I'm sorry, I think I wrote more than I should have.
How are you feeling now??