Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Western Australia, Australia
Re: Why do I feel so empty, bored, it doesn't seem normal?
Many people jump to conclusions, they say they hate this person and they don't like that one. If you truly did not like them, then you wouldn't feel so hurt when they ignore you. I've learnt that people don't like to deal with emotional or psychological problems because they have no idea of what to do. Sometimes the only thing you need to do to get them to listen, is to stop waiting for them to help and to walk up to them and bluntly say "this is bothering me, can I talk to you?" Of course, you have to understand that people can't just carry you and your problems upon them, in the end you are alone, they can support but it's always up to you. I'm sure you are aware of all of this, if not then it's there now. The point I'm leading to is this, people seem to want to be loved but don't understand that this world is imperfect. That your expectations are unreachable, that people will try and sometimes you just have to be satisfied with the attempt and never the success. I spend so much of my time observing the world around me and I've never felt that I've belonged, because they feel so much and I so little. But I've seen this very thing, countless times before. I can easily be blunt about this and say that the obvious reason that the majority of people use these sites are because they want attention and affection. Some want it despite the fact that they get so much, others desire for they get so little, all this attention is received and yet everything still feels so horrid. I've seen people filled with joy when they're in the company of their lover, only to break down in tears when they leave for a while. They sit there wondering what they are supposed to do now, who is supposed to love them when their lover is away. These people end up empty, their mothers, fathers, siblings and friends, no one can help. The simple reason is, none of them can help because none of them are you. If you want love and affection, then you have to start with yourself, it begins with you. I'm sure it's nice to have the world praise you but it's something that you have to earn, and when you do you may not get it. That's just life. Don't spend all your time doing things that will make others love you, spend your time doing things that will make you love you. It's likely the core of your problems and will create the domino effect. But I am sure that, like most, you would like to simply get it out of your system. Despite my lack of emotional capabilities, I am here to help. If you need someone to talk to then you can talk to me, I am happy to listen and it help the best I can.
As for me. To clarify from much longer before, no I didn't feel bad whilst spending all my time lying, I was simply doing. As for me now, well things have become a little more odd. I have had a Psychologist and Psychiatrist since the start of all this, I was lying to them too... Then when I inevitably became bored of the lies, I simply confessed to them and since then, they have had many theories and no answers. My Psychiatrist believes that I am frightened of feeling which is coupled with my lack of an identity, I don't know who I am or what I like. It's a theory as good as any, though I don't know if it is true. My primary concern with his theory is that it is based upon minimal information, there are some things that I simply don't share, and they are probably of relevance. As for my Psychologist believes that I am detached from my emotions as a result of difficulties in early childhood. As for how I have been feeling, I don't actually know. Sometimes I think I've felt something only to later realise that the emotion wasn't genuine and I just couldn't tell, other times I swear that there is something there, in some way. I've been slowly cracking as of late, it's been many, many months since I have had any real social contact with people... I've been talking to my friend of whom is still trying to help me through everything, though I believe her tired and given up. She is now in a relationship with me and is apparently in love with me, I would not say that I feel the same but I have definitely told her that I do and am currently occupying my time with the lie that I am attached with her... I don't if I am, or if I am not... Life is still pointless to me though, it is simply that thing I am apart of, I exist solely to exist and do simply because. But the most baffling thing that has been happening is that there is a bothersome sensation deep down. It is not unbearable and neither does it fill me with any apparent joy, but it is there and I forever feel I like I am about to explode.