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Old 11-07-2012, 11:27 AM   #4
Ivorygirl Ivorygirl is offline
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Join Date: May 2005
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Re: Lost Mother & Sister within a year

Hi B. ~ First off sending you lots of ((((HUGS)))))

I am sooo sorry to hear about the passing of your dear sister and mom within a year of one another.

I soo understand the emptiness and void you are feeling since I had lost my younger brother and mom within 9 months of one another, almost 3 years ago.

I was numb for quite some time.....almost felt as if the world was going on while I was suspended in mid-air. Couldn't understand how people could go back to living while I was stuck in numbness and unable to get back into the swing of things.

I cried many tears, too many to count and still do but not as bad.

What I recommend is that you give yourself permission to grieve your loss and all that you are feeling...the anger, the pain, and the emptiness are all part of the journey.

What I found was that I barely had time to mourn my dear brother when my mom, a perfectly healthy woman who walked 3-4 miles daily, was diagnosed with Bile Duct Cancer and within 3 months gone.

It felt as if the wind had literally been knocked out of me!! And it took quite some time to catch my breath again!!

So, Bobbi, first you must give yourself permission to mourn your losses, there is no right way to do that but is a personal journey to be taken.

I found that the best way to honor my dear brother and mom was to continue to celebrate life in the way that they did.....it wasn't always easy but I found by doing so I was continuing to bring them with me as I did.

The first year was the hardest, the first Mother's Day without my mom, the first birthdays, the first Christmases, my first birthday without them there.....all difficult. What I found helpful was to do something they liked to do on those days and talk about them and include them in each event in someway.

And I found as I did so that I felt them near especially in the hugs I got from other family members who actually a physical piece of them that I could have near me.

I still miss them tremendously and have found that journaling helps out alot too.

I write to them sharing my thoughts.....what I miss most is talking to them by phone since both of them were the ones who I shared most of my fears and joys with.

Still to this day, when something big happens or worries come my way I go to pick up that phone hoping to share it with them.....only to come to the realization that I can't do it that way anymore!!

I lost half my family.....I have one other brother and my dad and when we gather I still feel the void of not having the other two by my side.

Taking a family picture without the other two in it just brings that void back all over again.

But it does get easier.....I feel their presence in different ways and am open to that.

I have my mom's favorite perfume/lotion/bodywash that I took from her drawer while packing some of her things away.

I use on days I miss her applying it on special occasions when I want her near. She was sooo excited getting that perfume set for Christmas from my dad because of how expensive it was....it is appropriately named for her, "Angel" by Thierry Mugler.

So, Bobbi, you will find your way through this just as I did.

It will take some time and you will figure out how to get back into life's daily rountine when you are ready.

I did go to a grief therapist for a few sessions and she deemed me as handling things appropriately. She actually kicked me out because my co-pays were too much saying that I was doing exceptionally well under the circumstances.

One day at a time.....the more you love the more you will grieve.

I also found it helpful coming here to share my grief among others who understand.

Keep talking to us, you are not alone.

Stay well and know that my thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

Love ~ Ivory

 
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