| | Dad's cancer
Hey, i'm a teen and about a week before my second foot surgery my dad told me and my sisters some shocking news. His cancer was back, but this time it was terminal.
He first had it when i was around 2 so i don't actually remember it, but now it's back and i'm finding it hard to cope.
When he told me at first i felt as if my whole world was crashing down around me, everything was happening so fast and i had no control over it. then came the numbness; i didn't feel anything more the next few weeks, it was like there was this huge gaping hole where my emotions should be. this week it's just hit me all of a sudden, its as if I've finally processed the fact he will die soon. the doctors have given him 1 year, 2 at the max. i'll be 16...too young to loose my dad. my youngest sister would be 4...she won't even remember him well.
My whole life is spiraling out of control, i can't focus in lessons. this week has been horrible; i've been crying at lunch and none of my friends know how to help. i haven't told my teachers, i'm not sure whether to tell them or not.
I feel so isolated; little things that used to matter don't anymore. I don't feel like chatting about the latest earings, or why it's not fair that so and so's mum won't buy her tickets to see a band live. life isn't fair...i know that now.
It makes me feel emotions so indescribable to think about the future, to think of a time without dad. to think of the day i have to attend his funeral. i feel like i'm loosing my way. my dad won't be here to see me enter med school, to see me get married. he'll never see his grandkids, or walk me down the isle.
I guess i just want to know how to cope. how do i go around doing normal things when inside i'm on an emotional rollercoster, a tsunami of sadness, uncertainty, frustration...
Does it get any easier? Will i be able to hear the word 'cancer' in lessons without bursting into tears?
Last edited by mod85; 11-15-2012 at 11:32 AM.