Originally Posted by gmak
Hi, IT guy, I cant tell you exactly what to do, you must decide that on your own. You did say that there was trouble the first year. This is what I know, in my opinion & life experience. First, you cannot make someone love you. You can try to straighten out the misunderstanding. Do EVERYYHING that you can do, so if this ends with a divorce you know in your heart that you did all that you could to the point that you can say that to yourself and know that it is a true statement. Do this and you will not have regrets. Second, if she and her family will not cooperate to save this marriage, will they have regrets? Only God knows the heart, imho. This misunderstanding is just a symptom of a greater problem. I once heard that love and hate are very close to each other. Meaning that if she didnt love you why would she be so angry? Indifference?Thats what comes when someone is through. They would step over you if you needed CPR! But, sadly im familiar with people who judge and talking bad about someone actually unites them, like a sport! For years! Imho. Talk to her if she will let you. Do everything that you can, be
honest with yourself & with her. First, by examining your heart. Am i selfish? Am i a mommas boy? Did she try hard to find a job? Did you?
Etc. Then, ask those questions concerning her, in your heart, do you love her? Will you be able to give up everything she asks of you? What IS the real problem? Imo, she is very close to indifference. Because she can go a long time without seeing you & you have to beg? I tell my son, when a woman loves you she WANTS to be with you. Counceling was not mentioned. I have many friends from India, i know how they feel about therapy! Lol Imho, in good conscience do what you can & have to do,no regrets. Then, leave the rest to God or whatever you put your faith in.Do your best. Hope it works out for the best as well.
Hi ITguy, American advice is not relative to your situation. To my understanding, divorcing someone in India is something that follows you the rest of your life. Maybe you should explain that the families DO decide if the other family is worthy of marrying their daughter/son. Then you wouldnt keep getting advice of how rude it is to call someone's family unworthy. In India, calling another family unworthy and the fact that your wife didnt accompany you to new location are not unusual, and that the girl many,many times has real trouble leaving her family. The " our 4 and no more" is not how families are in India and its normal for the couple to have a house not far from her parents or to yours. And actually living with the family happens. Giving up living by your family is unusual. And that kids live with parents, grandparents, aunts,uncles UNTIL marriage, no matter what the age.A few details like this are needed. In America, living together, divorce, no family unity as far as dwelling together is the norm, and divorcing for reasons like irreconcilable differences because "we fight too much" doesnt exist there. Saving face MUST be done. By calling the other family unworthy is necessary to justify the reason for the divorce and to protect their child from being blamed.Unless you slay the other family with fault and excuses like they tricked us, they presented him/her
as one way but they lied, he/she is really blank a (cheat, liar, thief, or took advantage of their child, mistreated the other spouse, abandoned them or were abusive)its necessary or no one will want to marry him or her in the
future. If you want the wedding,etc.if/when you find some else. And it still
may not happen. You must buy or they are given by the families gifts,
homes, jewelry, etc.essentially like a dowry. Its expected.
It is not like USA @ all. So the help/ advice you get will be given from a
better place of understanding, imho, if you give more cultural information.