Thanks for the encouragement
Yah, I was actually diagnosed with sever depression and I've felt like breaking things and hurting myself, and suicide. But that was well over a year ago (before I went off my meds). I took medication for 2 and a half years, but eventually it really wasn't working. So I started self medicating, and then I had to stop. When I did though I had tons of motivation to get better and to stay clean, I did pretty well at that too.
But I've been so stressed out and been through so much ****, environmental causes, that it's been too much for me lately. I guess I don't believe in medication because I have tried it and it made me feel like an empty shell that just went through the motions... I laughed and smiled and stuff, but I didn't really feel anything.
I'm not saying medication is bad, I've seen it work wonders on other people, and to an extent it did help me through some really tough times so that I could cope with school. And I hope that you'll give it a try as well, because you can't really judge it unless you've tried it to the best extent possible.
I'm going to keep trying my best too, and I don't plan on giving up any time soon. It's just hard, you know?