Re: lost... scared.. confused :-/
You need to go to a doctor/therapist. It's okay to be afraid of doctors, but is you're fear of doctors more important than getting over all these fears you are currently having? Because if you're scared of ruining your child's life, then you really need to just step up and go to a doctor. It sounds like you might need to learn some coping skills, and possibly be put on some anti-depressants/anxiety medication. I take both, and I can honestly tell you they really do help. There's no way you can self diagnose yourself with all the things you listed. WedMD or whatever sites you're using to self diagnose are not your friends! Stay away from them, and go see a doctor. They seem scary, but I hope you'll be so thankful once you go and see one.
Sending you positive vibes!