i just cant stand these bad thoughts
I have always had bad thoughts running through my head since I was at the age of ten. I would just find myself thinking about how I'm going to go to hell and that I belong to the devil or sometimes think about how I want my mom and brother to get hurt or die . This got to a point where it just used to stress me out and it robbed my childhood and joy. I'm at the age of twenty though sometimes I find myself at peace when these thoughts go away but they just come back and honestly I'm really tired sick and tired I try praying so that these thoughts can just vanish but it seems to be getting worse. A few months back it got so intense such that I was even afraid to be alone cause the time I would be alone I would just find myself battling with these thoughts and it would just drain and depress me ,I even lost so much weight. Honest truth is I love my mom and my brother and I don't want any of this to happen to them . It really breaks my heart that I have such evil thoughts in my head but I just can't stop these thoughts anymore . I hate evil negative thinking ,
It has robbed me of my joy and peace . I am a christian and I believe in jesus and God but sometimes I find myself just doubting and lacking faith and I know its because of negative thinking. I just don't know what to do anymore I'm sooo drained I really wish God could just answer my prayers and get rid of all this toxic thinking. Its really sad ,its depressing sometimes I just want to kill myself cause I feel I will never be able to control my thoughts so there's really no point in living. I would rather die than live like this .
Please can somebody just help me ,pray for me or anything