Deb1125... not strange at all. I feel the very same as you do. This is a disease that nobody wants and nobody would wish on a loved one but if it is present we have to look beyond the sorry. I have often said it has been not only a curse but a blessing as well.
debburton... I am so sorry that your Mom has this disease and you are having to deal with all this.... but glad you found us. No matter how much you know about this disease, when you realize that a loved one is slipping away it is difficult to grasp. The disease is slow and insidious. It is our acknowledgement of the situation that rushes in on us. Then we struggle through the acceptance. There is a point where the learning curve seems to point straight up and wants to overwhelm us. It sounds like you are doing good things and probably not the mess you think you are
I remember being where you are now. I can tell you, even if it doesn't get easier, you will find ways new ways to deal with you have been given. Above all, remember to find the blessings in each day and enjoy the moments you have with your Mom. Find a smile, and give her a smile, as often as you can. There are blessings in the chaos!