Re: My 87-year-old dad has recently been diagnosed with vascular dementia.
My mom was notorious for the freezer full of food. When my Aunt would visit my mom and I'd ask her to poke around and make sure she has enough food (because my mom was always acting like she was starving) she'd say "her freezer is FULL" of food. It was only later that I finally realized the full freezer was a sign she wasn't eating. Every time my mom claimed she had empty cupboards and I needed to rush her to the store, it was because she was out of canned soup, the only thing she'd been eating for months (when I wasn't feeding her). And this was all while I thought she was healthy, if not just a little depressed and eccentric.
My mom is now Stage 6 probable Lewy Body Dementia and Stage 5 for Parkinson's (wheelchair bound, difficulty speaking and swallowing), and let me tell you, SHE STILL MAKES SENSE TO ME. I think this is something we need to share with each other, especially people embarking on this journey:
They will sound like they make sense, and it will trick you!!!
I don't know if it is the part of their brain that still works just well enough to string coherent thoughts throughout the mess, or OUR brains that automatically fill in rationalizations for irrational thoughts, but I swear, she continues to trick me to this day, and I understand her behavior and disease better than anyone, doctors and caregivers included.
It sounds mean, but sometimes I still have to remind myself that it's just a trick, you can't listen to her. They will convince us of anything because we love them and want to make them happy. We fall to jelly. It's Jedi mind tricks. We totally understand where you're coming from, those early months when you're so caught between what is happening, what is appropriate, and how your relationship is changing. My heart goes out to you.