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Old 12-28-2012, 10:16 PM   #20
Annieland Annieland is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2010
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Re: My 87-year-old dad has recently been diagnosed with vascular dementia.

Sorry, it's so hard to articulate what I'm thinking when it comes to dealing with dementia. I don't mean that she's intentionally "tricking" me, but it's that feeling, after you have a long conversation with a loved one with dementia, and it could be a tone of voice, a familiar manner of speaking, or just a sensible point being made, and for a bit of time you forget they have dementia. And maybe you agree to let them keep their credit card, or their car keys, or that new coffee maker...

I'm relating to Randy's posts, where his dad is clearly impaired, having major delusions, and probably getting to the point where he needs a lot more help. Yet somehow he still has his car keys. Randy, with all the best of intentions, came armed with all the right arguments, and dad still took the upper hand. As much as I'm "in charge" of my mom, it is not unheard of for me to just suddenly buckle under her demands/requests/rationalizations.

The simplest of examples is when my mom would try to explain to me why she needed to purchase something. She can get so good at convincing me of something that I know isn't sensible, that I eventually start to believe it and consent. It's like a high-pressure sales tactic or con-man approach. Now that I finally took all spending ability away from her, she has called me begging for things she absolutely NEEDS me to purchase for her. I say no to almost everything now because I've learned over the past 3 years how to toughen up and tell her what ever she needs to hear, just as deb routinely recommends. It just takes a while to get to that point, I think. In the meanwhile, they continue to convince you that it is absolutely inappropriate for you to take away their car keys, and when you start to question yourself and think maybe they have a good point, that's the "It's just a trick!!" I'm talking about.

If I'm still sounding as batty and confusing as my mom, I guess I shouldn't be surprised .

Annie

 
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