Like you, I also crossed the line from using opiates to deal with physical pain to using them to deal with emotional pain. That's what addicts do... we find that the drugs help us not face whatever it is in our lives that causes us grief...loss, grief, painful memories. It seemingly becomes a fix to what ails us in our heads when it is only an extremely bad way to cope with life. Not judging, friend, just understanding it all too well. I was using Oxycodone as well as Xanax to cope with issues far beyond the physical pain I had.
For myself, I chose to get totally off the drugs. I first did a slow taper from the Oxycodone with the help of my family doctor. Made fairly small cuts from one dose at a time and stayed there for a week to ten days until I leveled out. Honestly, it took a tremendous amount of discipline as well as determination, but it paid off as in the end, I basically just walked off the opiate. Withdrawal symptoms? Yep. However, I made it through each symptom by learning to look at them as symptoms of healing and restoring my brain and body.
Of equal importance as I tapered down was working with a clinical social worker. With her, I was able to define the pain inside me, face it, and learn to deal with it in a healthier way. For me, it had to do with a lot of grief. For you? Ummm... looks like it is a way to cope with a very unhealthy, lop-sided relationship. Cope by numbing yourself to it. I would ask you gently... why are you not acting to change this situation? There are
choices here. Painful choices, but better choices than zoning out on drugs.
The situation needs to be confronted. Marriage counseling, perhaps, or perhaps an end to the relationship. Confronting our situation is a fearful thing. Dear of not having the drugs available, fear of what the outcomes might be. However, failing to confront it leaves us doomed to sink further into addiction and giving up our participation in life to merely existing. What do you want to choose for yourself? Exisitng or participating?
Probably a good place to start would be to seek some counseling. Spill your guts with total honesty. The relief of sharing and knowing we are taking that first step to restoring ourselves is so immense! I waited way too long to get honest with a professional. I had become so clinically depressed that I was non-functioning. I finally sat with my family doctor and with brutal honesty, told all. What a weight was lifted! After the first few words, all embarrassment was erased and I felt the first tiny glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, I could get better.
Secret, please, love yourself enough to seek live help. Your world can
become a happy, peaceful place again. You can
feel joy again.
Stick around and let us support you in your efforts to become a renewed, restored woman. It is waiting for you.