Re: need help
Hot dang! I am so proud of you that marriage counseling is being put into place. Kudos to you! I will be praying along with you that the marriage counseling is fruitful. The baby is your inspiration to change... perhaps she will also be the inspiration to Hubby.
Secret, we sometimes enable others to hurt us because of inaction on our own parts. We allow others to hurt us over and over for various reasons... "I deserve this." "What can I do?" "I am afraid to say anything." "I don't want to fight." " I don't want anyone to know." 'I am not strong enough." etc etc We totally become enablers and hurt ourselves in the process. So many of us do this with situations in our lives. For some of us, fortunately, we change. When we change, we find we have more strength inside than we ever knew.
I love some of your words... I also WILL NOT have her see my husband and I fight or treat me the way he does. I also don't want her to have a drugged up mommy. don't want to feel sorry for myself or let this define me.
Other words that I would love to see: "I am worthy and deserve to be treated as such."
You know what, Secret? Withdrawing from the drugs was a difficult task. However, as I was withdrawing and working also with the clinical social worker, I learned so much about myself, so much. Some was great, some was not, some things were things I had to correct, some things were wonderful just as they were. It was the single biggest learning experience of my entire life. I would never, ever say that I am glad I had to go through what I did, but I can say that because of it, my life ended up improving beyond belief and that today I am totally comfortable in my own skin. I can deal with Life on Life's terms now whatever the terms are on any given day. I don't hide from anything anymore because I know that will only lead to confusion and unhappiness.
I am not an advocate of divorce (although sometimes it is necessary). Fight for the relationship and your own well-being. Truthfully, I would suggest that once in the counseling, you become totally honest about the abuse of the meds. Ask Hubby's support. Give him a chance to stand tall as your partner. Lay it all on the table. Be ready to evaluate things with honesty being the basis. Be ready to accept criticism as well as give it. Stay dignified.
I am so rooting for you in all of this. This is the time to fight for it all... your sobriety, your relationship, your family. Give it your all so that you can walk with your head held high.
With hope always