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Old 01-25-2013, 10:50 AM   #1
confused2013 confused2013 is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
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Trust Issues In Relationship

This is my first time posting anything like this online, but I guess you could say that there's really nothing else I can think of. My fiance and I have been together for a few years now and are engaged to get married, but won't until we have resolved one major issue.. Trust. A few months ago we came clean with each other and gave each other brutal honesty. And it came down to that we had both been unfaithful once and only once, and it wasn't anything as drastic as full on sexual intercourse.. to be honest, it was just "making out" I guess you could say. Regardless of how little was done physically, the results for both of us were devastating. Neither of us can trust the other, though we desperately want to.

We've agreed to starting over with a new slate.. from that day on we have been brutally honest about the smallest and biggest of things, and we have obviously agreed 100% faithfulness and loyalty. And for the most part, things have been great since we then.. but every 2-3 months we hit a wall.. one of us will start over thinking and building suspicions and sometimes outwardly accuse the other with no basis.. which I understand the lack of trust.. but don't think it's fair to either of us when both of us are really trying.. But we still seem stuck on it.. it's not the unfaithful aspect that has "ruined" us, for lack of a better word, it's the fact that the trust was broken.. it was months before we both told each other about it.. we both want this to work and we both want to get past this and we do want to get married.

We both have 2 children each, so this further complicates some solutions we're tossing around, as we want stability not just for our relationship, but his and my children. We've thought about moving out in separate places and continuing the relationship to see where it goes from there, we've also discussed a 30 day no contact option with the obvious rules of being faithful and still being in a relationship.. they're drastic, but all we can think of other than continuing to live with each other.. I don't agree with the moving out option unless we're ending the relationship, I want to be able to work through this together as a team.. as partners..

I guess you could say I'm looking for feedback on these options, and also desperately seeking out any other solutions that could possibly help us work through this. We've been and continue to be honest with each other, call/txt each other, always remain on time, we have great communication, and we have the same goal.. to rebuild trust in each other, get through this and work on our relationship.. we know there's no easy way or "quick fix" but we feel we need to come up with something that could get us on the right track. Any suggestions, advice or personal opinions would be greatly appreciated.