OCD intrusive thoughts
This is my first time posting. If anyone deals with this, a reply would be much appreciated.
I recently discovered that what I am going through is probably OCD. I have had problems with intrusive thoughts since an early age. The first time it really hit me was when I was 16. I had a strange thought about sex and God and immediately became convinced that I had blasphemed the Holy Spirit and was going to hell. I became so distressed over the thought that it was like I started having it and other thoughts over and over again. Thoughts about cursing God and things of that nature. It was almost like I was doing it on purpose.
It's happening again and I am now in my 30s. For years I drank alcohol and I think maybe that was the only reason it went away . . . I was drinking it away.
Over the last six to seven months, I stopped drinking and got involved in church. Everything was going great. Then a few months ago, this intrusive thought thing came back. I started to obsess over people that I love not loving me. I became convinced that if people knew some of the stuff I've done, they wouldn't love me. I even went so far as to confess some of the stuff. Then when they continued loving me anyway, I started thinking of other stuff that I felt would keep them from loving me. That's when the intrusive thoughts started again. Some of them don't even make sense. I began having sexually inappropriate thoughts. Some of it was really wierd. It's like I was trying to purposely think up the wierdest stuff I could think up. And then I would turn around and blame myself for it and beat myself up over it. Why would I put myself through this? Why can't I just realize how dumb it is and give it up?
Again, any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
Last edited by yammer33; 01-29-2013 at 09:56 AM.