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Old 01-30-2013, 05:22 AM   #5
Jacquelinexo Jacquelinexo is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 1
Jacquelinexo HB User
Re: Not feeling real/life feels like a dream

I just recently was diagnosed with severe anxiety/panic disorder. I just turned 20 years old (6 months ago) and I was planning on moving out with my boyfriend to another city. I had lived in that specific city before and I was very excited to move out and be on my own. I then started thinking about how I wouldn't have my own room anymore, and I couldn't just do anything I wanted for myself anymore and all my belongings had to be shared. I was deeply upset that I had to leave my parents as well but I got over that in time. I remember just sitting in my mothers room using her computer prior to moving out, and smoking a cigarette and doing what I usually do (blasting music on youtube, singing to them) when nobody was home.. All the sudden I just couldn't breath. I literally jumped out of the computer chair and started running around the house and ran out into my back yard because I thought I was actually dying. I panicked!!! After that day I got them every single day 24/7 and would not leave my house (at this time my parents were on vacation for 2 weeks) My brother and my boyfriend came to my parents house to stay with me and took care of me. I sat on the couch for 2 weeks drinking copious amounts of alcohol, not eating, watching t.v and crying hysterically every single day. I started pushing myself to do things I didn't want to do because my mind was telling me I couldn't do it.. and i generally am a very stubborn person and like to be in control of myself. I moved out and ever since then I still get anxiety and panic attacks EVERY single day.. 24/7. For the last month I started getting the depersonalization portion of it (since it has come in waves) where I can't go outside because everything just seems unreal and i panic. The most I get is head zaps, where my body will jolt but it will feel like its in my head.. chest pains, tightening of chest and can't breath, and the depersonalization. This has made me develop what I believe social anxiety as well where I can't go out in public or be around people by myself. The only way I can go out and do anything is if my boyfriend is with me.. and I have to drink a beer before I go out or else I am in sheer panic and anxiety. I am in the process in going to a psychologist who specializes in anxiety in about 2 weeks.. I am also seeking help from somewhere out of my province as well so I can get my life back. I can't work, which forces me to be on assistance, and I can't go to college right now like I would LOVE to because of this. I hope you figured yours out though.. for me it just seems endless. I just wanted you to know you're definitely not alone!